The One Thing We Get Wrong About Bullies (March, 2023)

I used to think bullies only target the weak.

But that’s not true.

Because, sometimes, it’s the opposite.

Because, sometimes, holding a certain amount of power will be enough to attract those whose only goal is to see it removed.

A great leader will be prone to unfair attacks on their leadership from subordinates whose only goal is to test their capabilities.

A successful, independent and happy woman will face the bitterness and scorn of other females who, secretly, envy her power.

Not because she’s weak — but because she’s strong.

A righteous person will face increased scrutiny from those who watch from the sidelines. Who wait until they stumble. Who wait for one lapse in their suspiciously pristine character.

A struggling alcoholic, walking into sobriety, or a smoker who commits to cessation, will, ironically, have to navigate through a spell of temptation from other alcoholics, and other smokers, who tell them that ‘one more won’t hurt…’. Temptation weaved from the inadequacies and struggle of those still caught in the perpetual cycle of their own addiction.

A person who embraces a healthier way of life, who takes up a new sport, or a new diet, who greets both courage and fear, will experience a campaign of slanderous remarks, of doubt, from those who accuse of them ‘changing’. Of being ‘confident’ or ‘cocky’. A testament to their own lack of self-esteem.

Are these all an attack on the unattainable? An attack on presupposed competition?

I don’t know.

But what I do know, or what I’m starting to understand, is that if I’m nervous to be around someone, and it’s not because of any wrongdoing on their part, but because they shine a light on my own faults, and make me strive to do better, then I should be around them.

No gossiping, no spreading slander, and no unchanneled jealousy.

Because jealousy is unexpressed admiration.

It’s through them, I learn.

As Jesus said, “He who is without sin, be the first to cast the stone”.

I used to think bullies just target the weak.

But that’s not true.

Because they also target those who stand firm.