What We’re Getting Wrong on Masculinity… (Sep, 2024)

It’s a word so contentious you can’t say it without being laughed out of some rooms. A word so divisive to speak, it puts a red mark above your name. A word so loaded that it carries the weight of countless expectations, stereotypes, and misconceptions.

But what is masculinity, really?

Is it defined by chiseled features, a six-pack, or the size of your wallet? Is it measured by the number of women you’ve slept with, your height, or how great of an orator you are? Many definitions, both societal and dictionary-bound, would have you believe so.

Masculinity, true masculinity, is not confined to the superficial. It is characterised by those who embody virtues of hope in the face of despair, courage in the face of fear, and an unwavering commitment to bettering the world around them.

When I think of the brave men and women who stand up to injustice, those who continue to speak their truth in the midst of cancel-culture, government authoritarianism, bigotry, and lies — I see the display of masculinity.

When I think of the heroes of the Civil Rights Movement in America — Rosa Parks, Malcolm X, Dr. Martin Luther King — I see the display of masculinity.

When I think of Jesus, of how he wound his way up Dolorosa, via Calvary Hill, beaten, mocked, betrayed by those he had loved, and yet still, in his dying breath, whispered, “forgive them Father, for they know not what they do” — I see the display of masculinity.

When I think of Desmond Doss, the United States Army Corporal who, due to his religious belief refused to carry a weapon, a man laughed at and shunned by the many of the seventy-five he would later come to save during the gruelling twelve hours on Hacksaw Ridge — I see the display of masculinity.

Make no mistake — many of history’s greatest men and women, the ones who left an indelible mark, were not your archetypal college quarterback. They were the meek, mild, and downtrodden — the ones society wouldn’t look twice at in the street. Yet, their actions define a masculinity that transcends the physical, one rooted deep in moral courage and selflessness.

In today’s world, social media has distorted the idea of masculinity. It has reduced it to aesthetics, how many followers we have, and hollow displays of power. But the world doesn’t keep spinning because of these things — it runs because of the selfless acts of virtue taken by everyday heroes.

The street-sweepers who keep our cities clean, the teachers who inspire future generations, the medical researchers who toil away in labs to find cures for diseases, passionate residents who strive to see renewal in their neighbourhood, the parents who sacrifice for the well-being of their children, the proverbial aunts and uncles who spend more time thinking and praying for other people, rather than their themselves, because they believe in something way greater than the naked eye can see — these are the people who embody true masculinity.

May we re-define masculinity as the strength to forgive when wronged, the resilience to stand firm amidst obstacles, and the perseverance to keep moving forward even when the path ahead seems uncertain. May we re-define masculinity as an ideal not bound by gender — but by the actions of those — male or female, boy or girl, regardless of how popular they are, how much they weigh, or how tall they are — who seek to bring positive change, and speak up (even when their voice shakes) no matter the score.

Kamal Farrah